Thursday, June 02, 2005

Ok, how selfish and self-absorbed can i be? I'm reading my sister's posts about Spain and actually getting ANGRY and depressed over it instead of ecstatically happy for her because she is having a great time in another country. My inner-whiner is just out of control tonight. Josh just asked me to turn down the music on the computer and I wanted to bark something at him... just because Im annoyed and frustrated. I need to take a "chill pill" (did I just say chill pill?) and go home. The idea of my sister running around in a foreign country brings up some very sensitive subjects for me. The main one being that I feel very ineffective right now. I would love nothing MORE than to be gallavanting around a foreign country and meeting new people and trying new things. Im stuck in a job and a routine that has me just running in place on a treadmill that is going slightly faster than I can match so Im slowly losing ground. (can you lose ground on a treadmill? 'cause somehow, Im doing it.) The gulf between me and financial solvency is getting and wider and wider as the days go on. The days FLY by as I do the same routines over and over again. SIGH.